Edith Wharton

Facing Trouble

/ Cheryl / Leave a comment

“Look here…don’t let’s beat about the bush: half the trouble in life is caused by pretending there isn’t any.”

—Edith Wharton, The House of Mirth

Several of the quotes I have written about have challenged me to address fragile places within my very core. The challenge for me in this truth is so multifaceted that I could probably write an entire book rather than a blog post. I have been sitting with this draft for several weeks, unsure about what I need to say to myself.

Almost all of us pretend at some point or on some level that our life is somehow different from what it really is. When we hide real trouble, in essence pretending that there is none, that trouble can fester and grow—making way for new or related troubles to develop. Physical, relationship, money, job…this truth covers all trouble.

For me, the reason I pretend trouble doesn’t exist is generally because I don’t want it to; I want it to go away. This has never happened. It can seem an easier option to go through the motions of life, finding a precarious balance of contentment in tending to the daily familiar even as we know we are missing a depth and richness we long for deep inside. Not knowing what could/might/will happen when we honestly face real troubles is beyond scary.

For some of us, there are plenty of joys even in this kind of life. I am thankful that I have always been one to see beauty and good in each day. Being able to still do that but at the same time not fear facing and dealing with hard realities is still new for me. I’ll keep practicing, because pretending there are no troubles does not make the troubles go away and can make them increase.

 

Living in a Hieroglyphic World

/ Cheryl / Leave a comment

In reality they all lived in a kind of hieroglyphic world, where the real thing was never said or done or even thought, but only represented by a set of arbitrary signs….

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton

This novel is full of quotable lines, of relatable truths that I have been tumbling about in my brain and heart. Being the word nerd that I am, I decided to look at the meaning of hieroglyph before sharing my thoughts. From dictionary.com: pertaining to a pictographic script, particularly that of the ancient Egyptians, in which many of the symbols are conventionalized, recognizable pictures of the things represented. The central character, Newland Archer, seems to already have an inkling of the unreality in his own world of 1870s New York society, but he also realizes the safety in this structured, hieroglyphic world. He wants to believe himself broader and freer-thinking than his friends are, but he realizes that he is equally tied to the external expectations of his social strata. The unexpected entrance of an outlying member of this same circle, one who does not fit the form, opens his eyes wider.

In the fall of 2002, I went back to school to earn my bachelor’s degree. More than the degree, I was yearning for a way to break free from my own hieroglyphic world. I had always been drawn to literature, especially to stories and characters that had something real to offer me other than a good plot. That semester, I took Western Classics II. Our first novel was The History of Rasselas, Prince of Abissinia by Samuel Johnson. Another novel we read was The Death of Ivan Ilych by Leo Tolstoy. I go back now and read my annotations and know that each of these stories gave me insight to the inauthentic life I so wanted to break free from. In each of these stories there are characters caught in lives that are perfunctory – going through the motions – and in which, it is assumed, they are “happy”.

Most of us crave order to some extent. We want to feel safe and to know, at least some of the time, what to expect. We tend to find some comfort in having the same people around us even when their company can be hard or even hurtful. For all of us there are seasons of tedious routine. When, though, is it time to look beyond these created or evolved conventionalized, recognizable pictures of the things represented or the arbitrary signs? I believe that what is real can still be found if we open our eyes and hearts, if we allow ourselves to be aware, if we are willing to face the fear of truth. Each of us must decide to what extent we allow the structures in our life to become hieroglyphic. At this point in my life I crave what is real and vibrant, even if it is a bit scary.

Some related quotes from The Age of Innocence:

“Does no one want to know the truth here, Mr. Archer? The real loneliness is living among all these kind of people who only ask one to pretend!:”

“It’s you who are telling me; opening my eyes to things I’d looked at so long that I’d ceased to see them.”

“…but sometimes life is difficult . . . perplexing . . .”